Last Monday's Crawford Walk
So last Monday, Doshie and I were the only two that showed up, but we cleared that 2 miles in less than an hour! We're going again this Friday on October 8th and I'm expecting more people with us. The more we have, the fast we hit the group goal! Meet me at Crawford Memorial Park and let's walk! Register for FREE Here!
So, I recently gave birth to my second daughter 9 years after giving birth to my first. During those 9 years, I've become a COMPLETELY different person (a much better person, might I add), and in the last 2 years, I've had an experience a lot of women in my position normally don't receive... and that's a healthy co-parenting relationship with my 2nd child's father.
I'm loving the fact that people really admire our relationship. You would have thought we were married for years if you ever hang around us. He's My best friend, future husband, sex toy, workout partner, and a lot of other titles. He plays all of his roles well (especially the sex toy role) but he's best at coparenting.
Who is a Coparent?
A coparent is a person willingly responsible for the overall wellbeing of a child and consistently respects and works with another coparent. most coparents are married, but there are single mothers and fathers who coparent well. They always consider the child's wellness and make decisions together. They are completely respectful not only to each other, but to the people around each other as well. Coparents have an understanding and don't take each other for granted.
Who is NOT a Coparent?
There is a difference between a coparent and a baby mama or baby daddy. Parents with a lack of communication, parents who willingly neglect their children, and parents who intentionally cause harm to the other parent can not be considered coparents because the focus is no longer on the child.
9 Best Coparenting Tips
My coparent (and future husband) has shown me some amazing things about a good relationship and raising kids. He has 2 other coparents and I have... well... a baby daddy. I've examined myself a couple of times to fix my own issues (like anger and talking crazy to my baby daddy) and Here are the top 5 tips I've learned:
1. Show Appreciation
My Dad told me that his mom said "When somebody does something for you, the very least you can do is say 'thank you'." I heard him preach this message multiple times growing up and it's really stuck with me.
Sometimes, especially with a new baby, We tend to feel as if we are doing everything we can, but nobody cares. We feel like we're being taken for granted, or used and ignored. We can change these feelings with a simple "Thank you".
Thanks for buying new clothes for the baby.
Thanks for picking the baby up on time.
Thank you for filling out the paperwork for the baby today.
A lot of coparenting fathers will definitely feel used when they are not in the same household. So mama, tell the father of the child thank you for whatever it is that he does, regardless of how minuscule the act may be.
2. Say I Love You (even if you THINK you don't mean it!)
I don't like my child's first father, but I tell him I love him and here's why: I love who my daughters love and He played a very big part in my life. Saying 'I love you' really helps bring the negativity down. It can stop an argument, ease the tension in the room, and repair a broken relationship. Love is real, strong, and really strong, for real.
3. Never Yell
I still have a hard time with this one. I actually learned this from Brian. He never yells at me. He's just naturally loud so I don't have to deal with it. But when there's tension in the air, we whisper. the tone drops and the only people who can feel that negative energy is us. Our kids never hear us argue.
A misunderstanding does not mean talk louder and getting mad doesn't solve anything. talk like you have some sense and there is no reason to raise your voice.
4. Keep a Calendar
Bills, visitation, doctor appointments, school drop-off, after-school activities, and anything else that has to do with the child should be written down in a calendar. Brian and I use the app called TimeTree to log all of our family events. This makes thing so much easier to keep up with.
5. No Baby Mamas and No Baby Daddies
Stop using these terms with your child's mother/father and begin calling them coparent. Honestly, it's classier and shows equality between the 2 of you. Your child definitely feels some type of way about the way you treat their other parent.
I could go on and on about the benefits of coparenting and how it's greatly affected my life. I feel like this conversation needs to be heard more often. I'm tired of the deadbeat parent stories and watching children bounce between families. At some point we have break the new era family and find a new way to raise kids.
What coparenting tips have you learned? leave a comment and share this post with other parents!